Thursday, July 26, 2012

OPI My Boyfriend Scales Walls (Plus A Rant Meal)

It's really hard to find the perfect shade of white polish.  My favorite one is (or was) Essie Marshmallow, but that's a jelly with kind of a crappy formula.  What if you want to use a creme and you DON'T want your fingers to look like you painted them with Wite-Out?  Enter OPI My Boyfriend Scales Walls.

I actually sort of feel like this one looks better in real life than in pictures.  Also, sorry my cuticles might look a little shiny.  I lotioned those bitches UP.  Anyway, when you look at this polish by itself it just reads as white.  But there's something different about it that makes it look less harsh, a little softer.  That something is just a little drop of gray.  

Here I'm holding a lint-roller handle that's white, and you can see how that pulls out the gray tones in the polish.  Pretty sneaky, OPI.  

I should mention, also, that the formula on this was incredible.  I think we all know that whites, along with yellows, are notoriously streaky and gross to work with.  This one was non-streaky and opaque in two coats.  I recommend it.  I think it's a good shade to have in your stash, and it seems unique to me.

God, I have so many things I want to write about today.  The whole moving thing is coming along, unfortunately.  I am so apprehensive about this moving-to-New-York event.  And you know what pisses me off?  If I share this apprehension with people (ie.  "Are you excited?"  "Actually I'm more nervous than excited," etc.) they invariably say something like BUT ISN'T THIS WHAT YOU WANT?  Okay, listen.  I am uprooting my ENTIRE LIFE and moving to A HUGE CITY I am UNFAMILIAR WITH where I don't know ANYONE.  You try it, okay?  You try doing what I'm doing.  You try being more excited than nervous.  Yes, on some level, this is what I want.  At this point I think it's like, well, I have this opportunity to go and do this thing I've always wanted to do.  And I'm scared.  But I can't really let that stop me, can I?  I will always regret it if I don't try, won't I?  The thought has been in my head lately that maybe my goals are too lofty.  So I get a PhD, and then what?  What if I can't find a job and this is all for nothing?  What if this, what if that.  

Honestly, I've never felt more alone.  I've been moving out of this apartment by myself, little by little, with no offer of help from my family (Ben has offered, but he works during the day, and I also have this issue of not wanting to be a burden to him).  And also, I was talking to my dad two weeks ago and he said something like:

Dad:  Blah blah blah, when we're in Scotland...
Me:  When you're...when you're where?  When?
Dad:  We're going to Scotland right after you move.  Didn't you get the e-mail?
Me:  BLINK BLINK

Maybe this is completely and utterly childish, but in the car on my way home that night I freaked out.  First, my parents are going to Europe and will likely be unreachable after I move if I need them because I'm in this new place and I'm alone.  Second, the fact that they're going to a different continent didn't even merit a PHONE CALL to me?  I get a flight itinerary via e-mail that wasn't even delivered to my inbox?  What?  

Then the other thing that people always ask goes something like this:

Them:  Oh, you're moving to New York?
Me:  Yes.
Them:  That's a dangerous city.
Me:  I've heard.
Them:  So is your boyfriend moving with you?
Me:  No, not right now.
Them:  Oh, that's going to be hard.

Oh, REALLY?  Yes, please rub it in.  Please, let's talk about the fact that this person and I found each other against what seemed like monumental odds, and that now we have to be separated.  Yes, that's what I'd like to talk about.  No, no, don't let's talk about my career or anything.  Let's talk about how my love life is going to be difficult.  Perfect.

I'm sorry, guys.  This whole situation is just mind-blowingly difficult.  Maybe it's just the anticipation that's so difficult, and once I'm there it'll be better.  I'm going in totally blind (haven't seen my apartment, my neighborhood, my school, anything).  And the bright side is that my best friend Sam is in  only in Boston, and she said she would come stay with me and help me get acclimated.  And I miss her like crazy.  So I have that silver lining.  

To conclude:
Rory:  We'll have two coffees and a rant meal please, extra cheese.
Lorelai:  No.
Rory:  Why?
Lorelai:  I'm through ranting.  The rant is over.  I'll have an acceptance meal with a side of fries.

57 comments:

  1. I know exactly how you feel. It's so frustrating when everyone else expects you to feel a different way. But I am sure you will settle in to NYC! Despite our reputation, we are a friendly people. :)

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    1. Haha, I'm less worried about the people and more worried that I'm making a terrible life choice. I'm sure I'll meet some great people.

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  2. hey stephanie!
    i usually don't comment here, but i always check your blog and your amazing pictures!
    i decided to give my 2 cents. i moved to the US almost 2 years ago (i'm from europe), and i was scarred to death when i came! i'm actually in the midwest (not exactly nyc), but the point is that it was a big change for me. i also never met my advisor or checked the school before, so the whole thing just seemed kinda crazy... but i really wanted to come and do my phd here, and i have to say i'm really happy with the choice i made!
    i guess the main thing is: it is ok to be scared. it's probably part of the process. it would be unusual if you weren't afraid. but you are making a change to do something you love, and i'm sure that will make things easier in the long run!
    all the luck for you, and i'm sure very soon you'll be telling us all about your amazing life in nyc doing what you love! :)

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    1. That's completely encouraging, thank you :)

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  3. It will be the adventure of your life; no wonder that you feel anxious! It would be more worrying if you didn't worry ;) I'm sure it's going to be both difficult and amazing at the same time!

    Remember that if you had the determination and will power to take you on this adventure it means that you will also have the strength to go back again if things are not working out the way you wanted them to. So you have nothing to lose!

    Best wishes! //Disa

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    1. Thank you. I never was very good with adventures, even as a kid.

      Listen. This one time my friend and I built a "boat" out of cardboard (what? I know. We were 8) and tried to float in it in a creek. Actually, I was volunteered to be the one floating. Clearly, a boat made of cardboard with an 80-pound eight-year-old in it didn't float. I've run away from adventure ever since.

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  4. I just got this polish yesterday and now your post has made me super excited to try it! :D Also I'm a little worried for myself for recognizing a GG reference without actually having seen a full episode of that show. (People tell me I talk like GG all the time. Or maybe one Asian girl = all Asian girls, because I am a far cry from Lane Kim.)

    Anyway, I'm with Catarina -- it's OK and perfectly normal to feel scared for every reason she wrote down. I have so many friends and acquaintances who have made a huge move like you're about to do, some of them also "going in blind," as you put it. You'll have days when you are homesick, for sure. I've been there too (I went to Seattle when I was 17 and apart from relatives, I knew NOBODY) so I think I understand.

    On the bright side, you're going to experience so many new and wonderful things (more good than bad, I hope) and I can't wait to read what you'll have to say about them.

    P.S. You know how to get at me if you need to rant some more. Also, my parents text/e-mail me with random travel plans all the time. They were out of the country when I had traffic court once, and my sister and my BF had to take the day off work and drive 2.5 hours to come hold my hand.

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    1. GIRL. Thank you.

      And also my parents never go anywhere, so I guess I'm not yet desensitized to their transcontinental hustle.

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  5. I think the way you are feeling is perfectly normal and to be expected. The problem isn't you, it's that most people have never had the experience of completely uprooting their lives. I've been there and I know that what you're feeling right now is exactly how I felt. The biggest question going through my mind was always, " Is this the right choice?" And it doesn't go away until you're comfortably settled in your new surroundings. But it will and everything works out in the end. <3

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    1. I actually never thought that it's not me, it's other people being unable to empathize. That viewpoint really helps!

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  6. Hey Stephanie,
    I'm an old lady (age 59) who reads your blog for the nail polish swatches. I have to respond to your comment that you are afraid you are "making a terrible life choice."
    My dear. No. Staying with what's comfortable and letting your fears control you....THAT is a terrible life choice.
    More formal education is NEVER a mistake or in vain. That's one of the few things I know for sure. And your goals can NEVER be too lofty.
    Vicki

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    1. Vicki. Thank you. You're incredibly sweet.

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  7. One of my best friends is moving to NYC to study at Julliard in the fall. When she has conversations with people about the move, they expect her to be SO EXCITED. It just isn't acceptable to them that she might be a little nervous, worried, overwhelmed, maybe even a little scared!
    So you're not alone in this, not in the overwhelmed feeling or the lack of empathy from others.
    Another of my best friends moved their last fall to study at NYU. She and her boyfriend did distance from NYC to Oklahoma for 14 months. But they made it, and now he just moved up there to live with her. Distance is hard, but it can definitely be worth it. Just remember how awesome this opportunity is going to be... once you get used to it!

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    1. I love hearing tales of long-distance relationships gone right, because most often you hear about them going wrong. With my last boyfriend I couldn't imagine doing long-distance with him. I was ready to end it and go on my own to New York. Now with Ben, I can't imagine not doing long-distance and trying as hard as we can.

      Thank you. You're very encouraging.

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  8. What you are doing is brave and completely terrifying at the same time. I did the same thing for school. I went from English speaking Ontario, to French speaking bigoted Quebec. It was scary, and the farthest I had ever been from home. I went in blind as well. Everyone told me I was crazy. My first night there, my roommate took me out around the city and to my campus, because I couldn't stop crying and thought I'd made a HUGE mistake. But it was the best thing I had ever done for myself. It put me back in my best friend's life and helped me learn a lot about myself.
    In short; everything you are feeling is exactly what people feel and I'm sorry that you're having a hard time finding people to talk to about it! I hope that when you get there, it is just as fabulous as everyone and everything makes it seem!
    Trista

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    1. Well, thank god I'm not moving somewhere French-speaking. You're so brave! I'm hoping that Sam's visit has a similar effect to the tour your new roommate gave you. She's familiar with the city and I'm not, so maybe I'll feel better once I have someone I love show me around.

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  9. You'll be just fine. :) People in the military do this all the time. I moved from the states to Europe and back twice, and while it was hectic and a bit of a mess, it was a great experience. I highly recommend moving outside one's comfort zone at least once. Most people don't ever do that, so they can't comprehend the process, and can't wrap their minds around the huge benefits to be had. You'll do just fine. Plus, think of all the new places you can shop! :)

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    1. Thank you. Yeah, maybe people just don't understand. I'll try to keep that in mind.

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  10. Hang in there, it will get easier. I'm from NY originally and you are going to love it. There is so much to do and see, just keep saying that to yourself when people piss you off lol. I moved from NY to MO all alone and I went threw the same thing and it's awesome now. I get to go both places - knowing both as home and comfy.

    PS your post has me running to the store to buy this. I'm addicted to whites and I have yet to find a good one!

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    1. Yeah, it's weird. For me there are so many place that feel like home. Hyde Park in Chicago still feels like home when I visit (I went to college there). My parents' house in Westlake, Ohio feels like home. And my current place in Cleveland Heights, Ohio feels like home too. Maybe East Harlem will just turn into another place I can call my own.

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  11. I'm glad your going to NYC for more opportunities! Because lets be real, there isn't much for your major in Ohio. I just have to say always remember your roots coming from a fellow Ohioan! :)

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    1. I love Ohio too! Well, Cleveland. I was born and raised here, but I guess I honestly can't say that I have fond feelings for the state as a whole. I don't wanna leave.

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    2. I don't blame you haha. It'll definitely take some getting used to, I can't even imagine living in Cleveland haha!

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    3. Really? It's the best. If you drive an hour in almost any direction you can be completely out of the city and into the country. There's a lake. There are big sports teams. A good bar scene. So many things to do. I do love Cleveland.

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    4. Every time I've been there I LOVED it. Especially Indians games haha. But I live about an hour outside of Cleveland, in a mile wide town. Not used to the city much haha

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    5. Yes, I am a die-hard Indians fan! Where do you live? (if that's a creepy question you don't have to answer)

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    6. Haha not creepy at all. But i live in Windham, if you know where the Ravenna arsenal is, the gates are right there. But if not, Kent state is like 20 minutes away. Aka the middle of nowhere haha

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    7. Oh yeah, I do know where that is. Ohio ladies unite.

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    8. Hahaha yes<3 the only bad part about moving, is you won't be able to see the Indians :( that would be heart-breaking to me haha!

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  12. Delurking to say that I know just how you feel: next month I'm moving to another state for a job, while my husband stays here (or possibly moves elsewhere entirely, because he's job hunting nationally right now). And I am FREAKING out about whether it's the right thing to do and whether I'll make any friends and when I'll see my husband and what happens if I fall in the tub and break my leg an am ALL ALONE. (Except for my cats. But they can't drive me to the hospital or even call 911!)

    FWIW, though, one of the reasons I'm doing this is that my husband and I have done long-distance before, and survived, so I know we can survive this (and you and Ben will too!). And the job is a really good move for me. So it will all work out.

    (It is really hard, though, to explain what you're doing to people and have them look at you like you have 2 heads! I bet the people in your PhD program will get it, though. I did one - not in your field, but the humanities - and people understood upending everything for career, and it works out.)

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    1. I can't imagine being away from my husband like ah that. And count yourself lucky to have kitties with you! I wish I could.

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  13. I'm so sorry people aren't be supportive, or making you feel like you're totally justified in being nervous. I get the same way every time I go off for another work period in Finland for my degree (this has happened four times, and will happen again in the fall) -- clearly I'm all kinds of excited to go back, but it's absolutely so scary as well. And not knowing that the parents are there as a fallout shelter? Makes it even worse. In terms of news that doesn't even "merit a phone call," I know EXACTLY how you feel right now ... I just Googled my father's name two nights ago, and found out via the internets that my uncle died two months ago. Thanks, dude.

    Definitely e-mail me or whatever (I don't know if my address is accessible, but I haven't posted recently cause I've had malware issues?) if you want to rant about moving. Like I said, done it a lot before, and I always feel the same.

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    1. Geez. My parents have never not told me that someone DIED. You win on that front. One time they did neglect to tell me that my uncle got divorced, which made it awkward when I asked my grandmother how his now ex-wife was doing. And then somehow I got in trouble for not knowing about the divorce, etc.

      Finland. You're so brave. And here I am freaking out about Manhattan.

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  14. I rarely comment, but I read your blog daily. I feel compelled to tell you this:
    A year ago I was in the same situation. I moved from PA to NYC within a matter of days. I barely had a week to find an apartment after finding a job, so I literally had no time to throw my life together. Yes, it was scary. Yes, it was stressful. But I'm still here and there is nowhere I'd rather be. My advantage was that I was already somewhat familiar with the city as I'd stayed here for a summer, but I guarantee that after 2-3 weeks you will realize how small it is and how scary it isn't.
    Discover the wonder of hopstop.com (for all your subway needs) and seamless.com (for all food delivery at any time) and remember that you are doing something new and exciting, but not permanent. If it doesn't work out or you don't love it, you don't have to stay - but have some fun while you're here!

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    1. My friend told me about hopstop.com! I will remember that. Thanks.

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  15. I've been reading your blog for a year now. You're smart and strong, and I think you'll be fine. I know it's scary, because one year out of college I moved halfway across the country, from Pennsylvania to Missouri, for graduate school. I grew up in a very small town, and I got some of the same reactions you're getting. One person asked me, "But what if you meet someone here before you move, and fall in love?" I said, "I'm still moving to St. Louis." Like you, I did it almost blind; I'd been to the city, but hadn't seen the apartment I rented. As it turned out, I left St. Louis after a year for a bunch of reasons. I ended up moving to Boston to start an entirely different graduate program. Twelve years later, I'm still here. New York is an amazing city--I have family and friends there, and I visit as often as I can. I can't imagine a better place to be for art and art history. I think that once you settle in you're going to love it.

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    1. First, thanks for reading. You know what people never expect to happen? Falling in love. It happened at a really inconvenient time for me, but yes, I still have to move. And holy crap, I can't believe you started a totally different program in a totally different city!

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  16. I had a huge comment written out, but I realize that some random comment from a stranger won't make an earth shattering difference. So I leave you with one of my favorite quotes: "Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." Also, your nails look awesome. That HAS to make you feel at least a little bit better, no? :]

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    1. Actually comments from strangers do help ;) Thank you for the quote. And thank you for the compliment.

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  17. Hi Steph! I love your blog and have been following through the ups and downs over the last year. Just want to say - you're not alone, many people will relate and understand - me being one of them. I packed my life and moved half way around the world (try Europe to Australia!!!) No friends, no family - just a dream. & years on - I couldn't be happier. It was so worth it in the end. Also, on the topic of people pointing out the obvious/annoying questions: I suggest you have fun with your answers! Be creative! When you do, it will make you smile inside and have a chuckle to yourself. Thanks for sharing your life with us, I hope you can feel the support and positive energy your followers are sending back all the time!
    Natalia
    Perth, Western Australia
    (PS 10 years ago I had no idea this place even existed, and now I am proud to call it home)

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    1. Wow, Europe to Australia. Do you see kiwi birds? I love those weird little things.

      Thank you for the support. It means the world to me.

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    2. LOL kiwi birds are in New Zealand mostly, but we have kangaroos aplenty and exotic looking parrots instead of pigeons! Natalia

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  18. I picked this one up JUST for the reasons you gave - sub for white polish that typically goes on really bad or is just too stark white for what I want - and Essie Marshmallow was my 'other' fav white polish and it just was not 'right' for a ton of stuff because it was so thin. While I am major thinning out my way too large of polish collection now - this won't be one of 'em I am parting with.

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    1. Your trepidation about your move is totally normal. I would swing from elation to scared to death with more than 2nd thoughts when I moved hundreds of miles away, alone. I had friends visit which helped, but mostly I was just there for a crashing pad. My folks came and stayed 1 weekend/yr as their token to their way-ward daughter. Later on, their trips grew longer - I moved 2 more times (once to work & ended up getting my PhD out of it 2000 miles away). It all made me a much stronger person which I always was anyway. I look now at 'kids' (I am 60), I went to high school with who still live in my home town. They have had good lives but have and idea that travel is something you do on vacation only and it's often a cruise ship! What WILL be hard is how expensive everything is in NYC. But you will work that out too. Remember, you don't need a car in NYC - you can rent one when you want to get out of town!

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    2. What did you get your PhD in? Curious! And yeah, at 25 I still look at some people I went to high school with and think, well it sucks a little to be them. I don't think I would ever truly want to stay in one place forever.

      Thanks for your comment (and I definitely won't be bringing my car to New York).

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  19. I lurk here frequently but I've never commented before. We seem to be quite similar - nail polish nuts, art history majors, Anthro lovers, etc. I just wanted to share that what you're feeling is completely and 100% normal. I've uprooted my life 3 times - twice moving to Europe to study French while I was in college (I moved to Belgium alone when I was 18 - talk about scary! But it was one of the best decisions I ever made), and then moving back home after college (I has made a life in a new city that I wanted to continue, but couldn't thanks to a weak job market). Big moves are scary no matter how much you know going into it. But never worry about "what if I fail?" The only failure would be not trying and going for your dream. If you get there and it isn't what you wanted what's the worst that can happen? You move back to Ohio where you have friends, family, and a supportive bf? That's a pretty great safety net. Big moves are scary but in my experience they can have some great pay offs. A great adventure? Yes. Ok to be scared shitless? Yes. Just know you've got a lot if support out there! If you want to chat via email let me know! I'm happy to share my experiences.

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    1. I love Belgium! Brussels was one of my favorite cities to visit because the people were so friendly and the food was SO GOOD.

      Thank you for this comment. It's nice to know that other people went through way scarier moves and survived and thrived.

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  20. I love your honesty! I follow you for your nails, too, like Vicky, but fell in love with this post. I wonder if people say things like that or ask these seemingly dumb questions out of their own fears. I moved away for only 1 year (from Jacksonville, FL to Atlanta, GA) and that was so scary! I didn't know anyone either, but I traveled home some weekends - I missed my boyfriend (and my mom lol). I applaud you for uprooting and doing something big like this! It's going to be all kinds of scary and different. But... I hope you become comfortable quickly, and get settled in for maybe a double order of fries!! Don't go breaking nails moving!! ;)

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    1. I wish I could travel home some weekends. Although part of me thinks that being unable to go home semi-frequently will make me feel better faster about the move, if that makes sense. I'll be forced to acclimate.

      Thank you. I'm having two men do the heavy lifting for me (thank god, because my arm muscles are non-existent) so I think my nails are safe.

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  21. *delurking to comment*

    I haven't been in your exact position, but I totally get the frustration of people expecting all of your major life choices to revolve around your romantic prospects. I'm 25 and every time I make a major career decision or social decision, it's the same story. "But what about finding a husband? How does that factor into your plans?" "What about starting a family?" Over and over and over.

    People don't seem to get that my entire life does not revolve around finding a good husband and settling down. And making choices that might delay my starting a family is my prerogative.

    Also a short and frustrating anecdote from a friend: She's working on finishing up her PhD and so is her boyfriend. They've both considered traveling abroad post-doctorate, both to different places. When he discusses his hopes of living all over Europe, people take it as a given that she'll follow him, and accuse her of "not being supportive" when she discusses wanting to live in Japan for a year. Power imbalance FTW!

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    1. Interestingly enough, once I met the right guy I started reconsidering my own plans. For a couple of weeks I thought, "maybe what I want is to stay here and get married." And the thing is, that's what part of me wants. But there's the other part of me, too, that has wanderlust and loves museums and needs to try this out. And when will I ever be able to do this if not now?

      Thank you for the comment. It's nice to know that some people have the same issues. God, when I turned 25 my grandmother said to me, "So when are you finally getting married?" Geez.

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  22. Hi! I've been reading your blog for a while but never commented.
    I'm from Ohio too (round Oxford / Cincy area) and now live in New York City. I moved from home in 1998, to Philly and then to New York 7 years ago. Both moves were hard and scary but I love it here! I know you will too. So many great places to buy polish too. :)
    Since you have an apartment, and a plan (getting your doctorate) - you are a billion miles ahead of many people who live here! Those are the 2 hardest parts of New York, so congratulations on having both of those. Believe me (an under employed freelancer), everything else: friends, money, job - will fall into place.
    And don't worry about people who say its unsafe. Its not. I find walking around downtown Cincy WAY more scary than walking around New York! No matter what time of night it is - there are always people around. You'll get to know your neighborhood, your cashiers, your mailman, your sandwich guy, your coffee guy, and they all look out for you too.
    You're gonna be awesome! If this small town Ohio girl can do it, I know you can too. :)
    Hugs
    Amy

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    1. I appreciate that. I'm sure it won't be too scary, safety-wise. I'm not too concerned about it, but everyone who I talk to seems to be.

      Thank you so much. I loved reading your story :)

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  23. De-lurking for the second time. The first time was to tell you how much I liked your Rain Storm mani.

    This time, it's to tell you that this post reminds me so much of the one you wrote about starting grad school. You were SO nervous and freaked out. You might have even said you wouldn't have time to blog, and I was bummed. But there you were, not very long after, showing pics of your new digs and NOTDs.

    I've lost count of how many times I've picked up and moved, but it's a lot. So I would be one of those people who tells you how excited you must be. But you're not me, and no matter how much I tell you how awesome NYC is going to be for you, you're still going to be nervous. It's fear of the unknown, and it's perfectly normal. I'm abnormal because I don't get nervous, primarily because I usually leave behind a lot of scorched earth ;)

    Just because your parents are going to be in Scotland doesn't mean you'll be alone. Judging from the reaction here, all you have to do is post something and we'll all come out of the woodwork to keep you company.

    My big moves: Post MBA from Ithaca, NY to Moscow, Russia. For the first few days, all I ate was beer because my Russian wasn't good enough to navigate an actual store, and beer was sold in kiosks.

    Then I moved from my beloved Boston to Austin, TX. Talk about culture shock. I moved here for love and I never let my husband forget the sacrifice I made for him ;)

    Get this move over with and you'll be fine within a week. I'm pretty sure.

    --MacKenzie

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  24. I have been in your shoes a couple of times. Uprooted my whole life and moved far away from all that I know. From NY to St Louis, from St Louis to Virginia. It's scary as hell. But I think in the long run, it was the right thing to do. You will learn the city, you will make new friends. It will be an amazing experience seeing all that art that you love. If the BF is meant to be, it will be whether you stay in Ohio or move to NY. All of us here who love you and your blog will always be there to help hold your hand should you choose to rant again.

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  25. Anyone making a major life change, be it marriage, a major move, having kids or whatever, that isn't nervous either isn't thinking it through or is just plain crazy. But you'll be fine. One thing I've noticed reading your blog is that you go for the gold ring on the carousel ride that is life and that's the only way to live. It's always fun reading to see what you come up with next.

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  26. OK. I have to comment. I move at 23 from a Caribbean Island to the US with $300 in my pocket. I have no clue how I survived but I did it. AND actually just move 3 months ago to NYC (finally getting our new place soon!) and even thought I HATED the idea and it was super scary I believe change is always for the better.
    If you need someone in NYC let me know (seriously)

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I love, love, love your comments, guys! Thanks so much for leaving them! I try to respond to questions either in the comments section or in forthcoming posts, so check back later!