Monday, February 18, 2013

Sally Hansen Salon Shoot the Moon

I'm currently right in the middle of a four-day weekend.  Today is Presidents' Day (but we also got Lincoln's birthday off--what even?), and tomorrow I also have no class.  These are the hardest types of days for me, when I'm by myself and I'm not crazy busy.  Sam was here with me this past weekend and she left yesterday.  For Valentine's Day she gave me Sally Hansen Salon Shoot the Moon, which I told her I had been wanting.  It was a nice surprise.  She also gave me a box of Sour Patch Kids, my favorite-ever candy.  She is very nice.

I'm glad she got me this.  It lived up to what I thought it would be.  It's a sparkly, foil-y pewter (in the same vein as Zoya FeiFei or Sinful Colors Winter Wonder) with gold and green particles mixed in.  The formula was good and I only needed two coats.  And damn if I haven't come to love the huge stupid paddle brushes on these polishes.  I remember a time when I hated them, but now I like how they cover my relatively small nails in only two quick strokes.  It took me three years, but I guess I've finally warmed up to this brand.

Here are some things we did this weekend.

We went to go see Inventing Abstraction at MoMA.  No photos allowed inside the exhibition, but this one is of me in front of Newman's Vir Heroicus Sublimis, one of my favorite paintings in the permanent collection.
We finally got to Katz's Deli, which you may remember from this scene in When Harry Met Sally... which is my favorite movie of all time.  We meant to do this last summer but it just never happened.  We actually spent a whole day in Lower Manhattan, so it was good to see some different things since I live so far uptown.
The placemat.  We got pretty excited about basically everything in this place.
I got half a Ruben.  I'm off of bread now, so this picture is just for show.  I'm eating off the sauerkraut like any normal person would.
 And the verdict is:  this Katz's is not overrated.  The wait may look long, but it was totally reasonable.  The food came fast and it was REALLY GOOD.
 We had matzo ball soup with our half sandwiches.  It was also very good.

We went to this place in Nolita that only serves rice pudding (Rice to Riches on Spring Street between Mott and Mulberry if you're interested).  That's it.  You can't get anything else.  This is the honey graham flavor with graham crumbles on top.  I would definitely go back...except I felt pretty bad about myself after eating it (and we shared that one).
We walked the Brooklyn Bridge, which made us feel a little better about the rice pudding.  We had wanted to do this last summer, but we sort of...couldn't find it from the Brooklyn side.  Plus it was hot.  So we skipped it.  It was like 25 degrees this day.  A good trade-off?  I'm not sure.  But I'm glad we did it.
Here I am with the sign under one of the arches on the bridge.
We had tea at Alice's Tea Cup, an Alice in Wonderland-themed restaurant.  I'd actually been there one time before (and Sam picked the place via Googling and was trying to surprise me...the odds were very small that I'd actually been somewhere random like this to eat before).
Sam's brunch.  Our Earl Grey.

We also hit up The New Museum and The National Academy Museum (not pictured).  I enjoyed both to the extent that I'm mentally able to enjoy contemporary art (which isn't much; even though I'm an art historian I just don't understand pretty much anything after 1975).  We also went to Ground Zero since we were in Lower Manhattan, and this old church right by the site.  Which was very sad.  But aside from that we had a really nice time.

When she left I got sad.  And I am honestly relieved that I did.  I was telling Sam that lately I can't seem to shift out of neutral with my emotions.  It's like there is a baseline.  And when you're happy your mood goes above that baseline; when you're sad, it dips below it.  But for the past three weeks I've been right in the middle.  I am not excited or happy about anything, but I'm also not upset or actively sad.  It's a feeling like everything is a little hazy and I'm watching myself act from a distance and not even inhabiting my own self.  I can't describe it well.  I'm wondering if maybe I am depressed.  I can't tell.  When Sam left was the only time I have felt any acute emotion since I got back to New York, and mostly it was just a pang of longing for company.  It was nice to have someone there when I woke up and someone there to talk to before I went to sleep at night.  Sometimes I don't talk to anyone all day, and it's such a difficult thing.

So that brings me back to why long weekends are hard.  Most people look forward to them, but really all I can do is tell myself that I will get through these days and that time will keep passing and that I will get to see my family again soon.  It's staying light longer and the sun is shining brighter and I know that spring is just over the horizon, so that's also something to look forward to.  Also I got a new Pantone-appropriate blazer that I'm eager to wear soon.  I'm not sure how to end this on a high note.  Maybe I'll just say that I'm really glad I got to see Sam.  There probably isn't anything I would have rather done this weekend.


  1. I can relate to your baseline theory. Being depressed (mildy according to the counselor I was seeing at the time, but I was never properly diagnosed or anything) felt exactly as you described it - neutral. I couldn't feel joy, but I also couldn't feel much of the other extreme either. I walked around without any sort of emotion at all. I had episodes of emotion, where I would get incredibly, scarily angry/heartbroken (not that anyone broke my heart in the period, but that's the closest I can describe the feeling to be - heartbroken at the idea that no one could relate or really understand what I was going through), but other than that, there was a vast emptiness that I was never quite sure how to fill. Even when I was close to being happy (laughing with friends, having a fairly good time), I felt like I was somewhat wearing a facsimile of the emotion rather than experiencing it. It was hard, and it was hard to feel completely human when I was so detached from everything. To be very honest, even though those days are a few months behind me, I can feel myself slipping back into that state every once in awhile, and it's scary to not know whether I can ever be free to move on from it.

    I don't really know what to say to you to make things better, and I don't know if I am even relating to you the way I had hoped, especially since my post is such a rambling jumble of ideas. I guess I'm just trying to say that your story strikes a chord with me, and I hope that things get better for both of us soon. I'm rooting for you!

    1. Thank you for this comment. A few people have let me know that they have experienced something very similar to what I described here. It has made it clear that I should probably go speak with someone about it.

      I'm rooting for you, too.

  2. It definitely sounds like the apathetic kind of depression I get during the winter; have you ever had seasonal depression before? I normally have to go on something from about October to March, but the last couple of years, I've been able to avoid it by bumping my vitamin D and omegas. A friend of mine uses a special lamp with some success.

    Take care of yourself! I'm hoping for you that as things warm up/thaw out, you can feel more and more like yourself. ((HUGS))

    And I LOVE that Sally Hansen...but what's on your fingertips when you were eating the sandwich?? ;) That brightness rocks!

    1. I don't think it has anything to do with the winter. I'm from Cleveland where there is never any sun in the winter, and I have never had this problem seasonally before.

      The red is China Glaze Igniting Love and Mrs. Claus.

  3. I love reubens!!! Esp with TONS of sauerkraut-that picture is so making me lemming one!!! I think maybe it's just being away from Ben, losing your Grandma and being in a relatively new city. Those are a lot of new changes in a short period of time. That takes adjustment.

    1. I appreciate this comment...but I think it's more than that.

  4. While reading your paragraph about how you felt, I could definitely relate as that was how I felt before I was diagnosed with depression. If you've been feeling this way for more than 2 weeks, then it might be best to seek the help of a counselor. Hope that these dark days will soon be over for you.

    - Kay

    1. Thank you. I think I will go talk to someone.


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